Spring Thaw

For the past few days the blog word has been crying out to me. But I have been fighting it because I am feeling uninspired and very low on any sort of creativity or interesting writing. Today, after reading a few friends' blogs, I finally gave in. So my apologies if this entry seems rather dry.

As of late I have had a lot of time for reflection. I have been bounding back and forth between reality and the intricacies of my imagination much more than I would like to think sane. I believe it is because I have had an unbelievable amount of free time. Any normal person would take this time and be productive, maybe tackle some projects they have been meaning to do, get ahead with their studies of the language everyone speaks around them or even beginning planning lessons. But I have always thought of myself far from what I would deem "normal". Take that for what you will, but I have come to gripes with it, and I intend on working on my normalcy when I am old and boring. For now I will have fun doing un-normal things. Starting with making up words like unnormal. See if I care Japan.

So instead of being productive in the physical world, I have chosen a different route. Perhaps the path less traveled by the average working adult. I mean, maybe not, maybe some people can do both....I am not that advanced in my multitasking even though I like to trick myself and others that I am. I can confess that now. See? See what all of this "soul searching" has done? I can begin to identify my problems and by doing so maybe I can work on them. Anyway, I am getting off track. That is what happens when you let your mind wander for eight hours a day. So let me just say two things. First of all the reason I have so much time is because there are no classes to teach since students are graduating and testing. Secondly let me explain that although I have done endless amounts of "thinking", I have failed to come to a sound conclusion. Actually, I have found more questions than answers. Guess it serves me right. I should just do normal people things and then I wouldn't have to spend so much time rolling around in my head. Sorry for the disappointment. I hoped for an answer by this point too.

I have discovered how purely blissful I should be. And I am getting there, I can feel myself calming down. Not that I was a really reeved up, over the top person to begin with (ha, far from it), but I have decided to stop thinking about the things that don't need thinking about and just let it happen. Japan allows for this and I should let it happen. Time as of now allows for this, so I think I can too. I realize I am being rather vague, and this is why I did not want to post because I am confusing myself. But let me just say the pressures of time and the pressures of life are not constricting me right now. In fact, they are expanding me. They are opening up to me and forcing me to see this beauty that is life. Spring time is the beginning for life in many aspects, and I have seen it all around me. The trees are blooming into brilliant shades of pink as well as beginning to become the lively, unrealistic green I recognize from when I first got here, the flowers are sprouting up at every crack illuminating every color of the rainbow, the birds are exploding from the trees as I ride my bike by them. Life has returned to Kumamoto. It is amazing how it all seemed to happen overnight; the rain stopped and suddenly the world was teeming with new sights and sounds. Even the bugs are back and I have had the pleasure of eating a few while riding home from school today. Ah, it feels good to be back. As much as I was not fond of the summer, the warm weather is welcoming and comforting. Or I should say welcomed. This change of weather brings for a change of attitude and I am welcoming it will open arms. It is time to embrace. I cannot worry about the future just as much as I cannot change the past, time has shown me that living in the present is the only way to truly live.

Not to say that I still won't think about the future. Because in the future involves me going to sushi with the English department tomorrow--my first un-kaiten (roll around) sushi in Japan. It only took 7 months. But finally! And the future lets me think about the cherry blossoms that will begin blooming all around us very shortly. The beauty is already leaving me breathless, I can't even imagine what the cherry blossoms will do for me. I am ready to get out and travel, I am ready to explore, I am ready to enjoy my last few months. The beauty surrounds me--the people I have met being the most beautiful of all, and I cannot wait to spend all the time I can with them before I leave.

So with my stomach full of mochi and my head full of who even knows, I will take on this second wind and head out into the world! And even though what I really want to do is go get some more mochi, I will do something good for my body and hit up the pool. Tonight is the night to dust off my rusty butterfly. I hope I don't hurt myself.

Although this post did nothing but confuse me (and my readers probably), I will be back sooner than later for a less confusing post. Maybe it would just do me better to stick to concrete concepts rather than trying to explain abstract ones. I will work on that.
Paz playas.