Whirlwind

I was once told by a good friend that my life was a "whirlwind of confusing locations", which was ironic because only now does it feel like that. He meant what he said but the locations I had been bouncing back and forth from were not as three dimensional as I feel the ones I am bouncing back and forth from now. These current locations can pick me up, shake me and set me back down, giving me only limited time to try and sort myself out before I get shaken up again.

In a little less than two months I have been trying to sort myself out only I am not putting things back in the same place as I was before. I cant help but feel a little scatter-brained. I have pieces of myself sprinkled everywhere and in order to put myself back together I am going to have to re-organize. I have to admit that I will not be completely whole again until the reality of the next year has soaked into my skin and filled me where I didn't even know I was empty.

The sounds and sights of this place are becoming something of a home to me, and I am comforted by this quiet way of life. There are times where I lay awake thinking of what was and what will be as I listen to the low hum of my fan the busy chirps of crickets outside my window. I cannot help but feel a sudden lurch of sorrow on these nights as I yearn for the familiarity of what home truly is to me. Other nights I leave this distant memory behind as I laugh with new friends and take in the beauty of a new culture. I feel torn between these two worlds and the result is a sleepless night and a splitting headache when I finally get up. The emotional drain I have already experienced in such a short time has become mentally exhausting and although I know it will become less frequent, when it does come it is not a fleeting feeling. It hangs heavy on my tired shoulders and drags me into a place I am hesitant to even admit going. Yet these are all human emotions, and although they are not always happy ones, I cant help but feel the pure ecstasy and the true strength of being alive.

Aside from the emotional and mental `whirlwind of confusing locations`, the physical ones have been tiring, yet rewarding as well. These past few days has left me feeling drained but happy, and I finally have the solid thought of knowing I will never regret my decision to come here. I got to travel up north to a newer and relatively clean city (Fukuwoka) where the music revived my dusty dancing muscles and the people continued to amaze me in so many ways. We watched break dancing at a club, wandered around the city as the bright neon lights lit the path of an otherwise darkened night, enjoyed traditional Japanese Ramen on a street side while making conversation with other weary travelers and finally ventured to the familiarity of home; Costco. My dreams came true this glorious day as I was able to buy some much needed American delicacies such as bagels and cheese. The whole trip took about 6 hours. It is amazing the things I will do for cheese. It was worth it though, and knowing myself, if I wouldn't have gone, I would have dreamt about cheese until the guilt would become unbearable.

After the exhausting trip, I came home, rested and met up with some friends to enjoy some relaxing conversation over some delicious ice cream creations before finally going to bed. The rest of the weekend turned out being equally exhausting, but just as interesting. We went to a festival in town where the Japanese culture was spilling over the top, but I enjoyed the overflow nonetheless. We watched a parade of festively decorated people and horses that went on for miles, and after a short time I had already taken so many pictures that they were all beginning to blend together. That was when we knew it was time to leave. We met up with some friends in the city and we were able to find a diamond in the (well sort of) ruff--Mexican food in a Japanese city! It was more delicious than ever and I even got to sport a bright red sombrero that was of course the star of my next photo shoot. It is amazing what your taste buds crave and you don't even know it. I have been thinking of Mexican food since I got here, but I didn't realize how badly I truly needed it until the other night. It did not disappoint and I actually ended up going there again only a day later. The next night a few of our friends came in from surrounding towns and showed them a good time in Matsubase. Karaoke has become one of our favorite nighttime activities and I know it will be among the things I will miss when I leave.

I had Tuesday and Wednesday off from school for holidays and sports festival make-up days so I was able to get a few things done, but mostly I just hung out with friends. We explored the town and had some good time to talk and reflect on just being in Japan. It is hard to believe it is already almost October. These next few months are packed tight with activities and I have set some goals for myself having to do with exercise, learning Japanese, reading, writing and traveling that should keep me plenty busy. I am looking forward to a weekend of Japanese culture, it seems as though I have been sucked into gajiin life--strictly hanging out with other foreigners. I am happy to say that I will spend all day Saturday at the sports festival and I will later join the teachers at a traditional Enkai of good food and attempted conversation of some sort.

I think I will continue to try and live in a confusing whirlwind of who knows where for a while and although it is exhausting in so many different ways I know that there is no better time than now. Although it has only been a short time, I am amazed of how much I have already learned. I am excited for the continued growth I will endure as well as see around me, and I am beginning to realize that someday, not too long from now, this will all only be a distant memory.